unnamedDear Cabbagepatch,

A warrant for your arrest was issued in March 2015 and you continued to come to work for the next 4 months. You know how I found about the warrant. I was in 7-11 across the street from work, a co-worker was standing in line and showing a complete stranger a picture on her phone and saying, “That’s a supervisor at my job” I’m standing there wondering why she is showing this stranger a picture of you. I hadn’t seen you for a few days and when I asked around I was told that you quit. What happened? Why’d you quit? Who found out? Who did you tell in confidence who indiscreetly blabbed to everyone? I guess you couldn’t continue to work at a call center with 300+ nosy co-workers pulling up your warrant on their phones. Isn’t modern technology great? You’re stupid. You should have stayed. You might have been the hot, new viral internet sensation. You could have gotten a good attorney who could have helped you deal with your situation.

There is one good thing that will come out of all of this. We’ll probably never work at the same place again. Do I really need to remind you? Since we were both released from prison in 2010 we have spent 4 of the last 5 years working together at 2 different companies, both of which were in Long Island City. NO MORE WORKING WITH YOU! HALLEJUHAH! I don’t like you but I wish you the best of luck Cabbagepatch.


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