LAURYN HILL SLEPT IN MY BED

Yes, Lauryn Hill, yes that Lauryn Hill the Grammy winning singer slept in my bed the whole time that she was an inmate at the Federal Prison Camp Danbury, Ct. Even though I’m prison sexy, I don’t mean it in that way. She slept in the bed that I slept in when I was in prison. (I did sleep in the Leona Helmsley suite when I was in prison.)
I wonder what her prison experience was like. She could only shop at commissary on Wednesday just like all the other inmates. There’s no private shopping day for prison celebrities like Martha Stewart, Wesley Snipes, or Lauryn Hill. I know she had to have her commissary sheet in by Tuesday and she had the same $75 weekly spending limit. FPC Danbury is a working camp. Did Keisha popping her gum in her mouth tell her that she had to decide where she wanted to work? Did she work in the kitchen for 12 cents an hour with 200 women complaining every day about the lousy food? Or did she work at grounds with Norm who’s never there and mow lawns in the scorching sun for 12 cents an hour? Is Grandma still there? Did Lauryn Hill meet Grandma? Did she learn how to crochet? The thing that makes me happiest about Lauryn Hill’s stint at the camp is that I wasn’t there.

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